Essential Tools and Requirements For Survival In The Holylands

Your New Best Friend: Noise-cancelling Earphones

You think you are finally going to get a bit of sleep after the wee fella that was singing Angels by Robbie Williams while dancing on the roof of the car outside your window for the last hour and a half has decided to pack it in (not before launching his half-eaten kebab into the front garden of course) until you hear the dreaded words through the wall "Jessica's iPhone has successfully been connected" from the next door neighbors speaker. In all honesty, it has gotten to the point where hearing those words is nearly as bad as coming home and your mother telling you it's mince and spuds for dinner. Utter fear. Day ruined. Top-tier PTSD. 

Anyway, next thing you know, it's 4 a.m., you're meant to be getting up for your part-time job in two hours time, you're sleep deprived, the same badly produced Soundcloud remix has been playing on repeat and you're contemplating hauling out the rosary beads and praying to Saint Anthony in a hope that he will help you find the will to live, which you have very much lost at this point. So yes, noise-cancelling earphones are an absolute must. This brings me to my next requirement on the survival list; 

The Patience Of a Saint Mixed With a Sense Of Humour

Believe me, the ultimate survival tool to this mayhem is being able to laugh off almost any situation and become a pro at breathing exercises. Picture the scenes; your housemate has left chicken that expired 10 days ago in the fridge and the place smells like a morgue, you're already about to strangle each other because the shower is spitting out ice-cold water again after all the gas has been used up and you have precisely half an hour to get ready and get to university because you may or may not have slightly over-indulged on the snooze button, someone has used the last of the butter (which is expensive stuff as it is, never mind in this cost of living crisis) and yes before you say it, let's just pretend that my previous statement didn't just highlight my age further. 

Then the final straw, someone didn't replace the last toilet roll and you're sat there having a full-blown existential crisis. Without even realising it, you're now thinking the absurdly priced student digs at £150 a week on York Street are looking very tasty until you remember, you can just about scrape enough money together for a tub of butter. (Only joking, I love my housemates really) but this ain't for the faint-hearted.

A Fake Degree In Irish History

The day has come, the day that put the Holylands on the map, Saint Patrick's Day. Which to outsiders can be a bit overwhelming and in all honesty, if you looked up the meaning of patriotism in the Oxford dictionary, a photo of the Holylands may or may not just show up but let's reveal the starter pack on how to fit perfectly in on such days. Start off by pretending you're a true Irish historian and let on that you have a rough idea of what happened in the Spring of 1916 (even though it has absolutely no correlation to Saint Patrick's Day but sure you know yourself what our generation is like), whistle to a bit of Sinéad O' Connor, stick a bit of green on you and wrap that tri-colour that you got off Amazon for a fiver around you and you're flying! 

Oh and a tip from a person who made the same mistake, try to get the flag the right way around to prevent yourself from looking like some rogue rep for the Ivory Coast.